lol

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“I’m going to be a nun for Halloween. Well, really I’m going to be a cross-dressing monk.”

That’s the Spirit (Literally)

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“I’m going to eat healthy if it kills me.”

What Are You Saying About My Shoes?

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“You can’t say ‘If I were in their shoes,’ because you would still be you, just in better shoes.’

That’s What I Call a Real Friend

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“I wasn’t pretending I didn’t know you. I was too busy laughing at you to remember I did.”

I Thought You Thought You Knew Everything

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“I’m not going to ask you something I don’t know; my ego’s too big.”

Thanks for the Great Service; Here’s Twenty Bucks.

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“Waitresses like little notes and big tips.”

Huh?

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“I’m tripping over my cognitive dissonance.”

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